Late at night

I like to draw late at night, when the house is quiet. Putting silly things on paper makes me forget for a moment just how complicated the rest of the world is…

So I draw my future in my head, while sketching something unrelated on the paper. Those moments I don’t feel selfish, dreamy or lazy for spending so much time on my thoughts, because I am doing something, not just sitting…

Once I’m done – I look at the starry sky and pray to the moon that the future that I made in my head will one day become a “today” for me.

Center – Are you lost?

Do you feel as if you are in the middle of all this chaos and it seems like there is no way out?

Feeling lost, helpless and stuck is something that we all have to face time by time. So how do you find your peace and get rid of the fear that you are feeling?

As ridiculous as it may sound – stop, breath slowly and just think. I’m sure there is a way out of your mess, but you have to think carefully and don’t let any idea slip away unnoticed. From my past experiences I learned that sometimes the solution might not be bringing the result you expected – sometimes it is worse, sometimes better and sometimes – so different that you can’t decide which one is it. If you still can’t seem to find a way out

Little Darling

Carry on, little darling,

Holding on to me,

Fighting trough your struggles,

Smiling trough the tears.

I am here, my darling,

Fly away with me,

Don’t let go and close your eyes,

If love is what you seek.

/Baiba/

Recognize the toxic people in your life

You want to have an amazing life with lots of amazing people in your life?

To do that – you must eliminate all the toxic people out of your life – and better do it sooner than later.

But how do you spot if the person is a bad news for you?

I’ve heard many versions from my friends trying to help me ( according to them – I’m being to nice to people and I should stop investing myself in those who don’t invest as much – but I disagree to this theory) but my 3 golden rules after being burnt so many times are:

1. They make you feel bad 
   Bad in general or bad about yourself. If you can’t seem to find yourself happy around these people – you feel misserable, angry, annoyed, frustrated…etc. to the point where you are avoiding them and then start feeling bad for ignoring them — toxic relationship!!!!
2. They don’t help you when you need it
   Being busy and not having the time to help out sometimes is not a crime, but if you feel like they are never there for you – even when you ask them to…. not a good sign. You might think it is not a big deal, but if at some point you get into serious trouble and they don’t help you even then – you will feel even worse. Remember – real friend would never let you suffer and be alone in his pain – regardless of how busy they are – it is always about the priorities.
3. They use you
   This might be an add-on to rule No.2, but if the person is there only when they need you or something from you – that is not a good sign. And I’m not talking just about helping. It is about everything – if you meet/talk with them only when they want it, conversations are all about them, everything is made easier for them and never you, it is always closer to their place, you are always paying, they are picking the movies, cafes, trips, you’re eating food they prefer and so on…. if you have to adapt to them constantly and they never do that for you – either you haven’t tried telling them what you like or they don’t really care….

Now don’t get me wrong – I know that we all are busy. We all sometimes get so caught up  in our problems and stuff that we don’t even think for a second what others might like. But that should happen sometimes. Not every day. I am not telling you to do less  just because they are not giving the same amount of attention. I’m telling – be yourself and just keep your eyes open – to notice if they are bad for you or just busy. And don’t forget to talk – they will never suggest to go for sushi if they don’t know it’s your favorite food.

Be honest – if they are your friends -they will love you just the way you are, if not – then you will notice that soon. But you have to keep your eyes open to be able to recognize the moment when you might want to consider leaving….

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/recognize/

Daily Prompt: Recognize.

Priorities

Setting up your priorities are the first thing you do before you even set up your goals. You have to determine which way in life you are going – what is the most important thing for you: family, friends, entertainment, travel, work….? Do you want to be the best spouse or parent, or have a colorful social life or maybe real life? Or you are career driven person who wants to reach the top?

1.If you don’t have a goal yet – these are the questions that will help you make it happen. Write all the areas in your life that matters to you on paper and then – under them write – what would count  as a fulfillment in these areas – promotions,interview in a magazine, recognition, busy schedule, 20 hugs/kisses per week. Don’t be shy – write all that pops in your mind! Imagine yourself in a year, 5 or 10 and think what would make you happy. What do you want to have then.

2. When that is done – look at all of them. Read them again and mark the 3 you want the most. The ones you can’t imagine your future – those are your main priorities. The rest is something you can figure out later. These 3 you now have to order.

3. Once that is done – think of the ways how you can get there. What are the possible options to reach these goals. Brainstorm. And write them down : Plan A to Z(depending how many you got).

4. You have your goals, priorities and some ideas how to reach them. So now – pick one of the options and try to do it – start doing it. If at some point you fail – you just cross it out and try another one. If it is in process -figure out some milestones to track your progress.

Lets start making our dreams come true!

Naughty or nice?

They say – be a good person. Ever since you are a small kid – they tell you to be this good person because this is how it should be. Because it is the right thing to do. And you think that being good helps you to become happier, live longer, be healthy or whatever you have in your mind.

Being good equals to having all the good things in your life.

Is there something wrong with the equation?  Yes – everything. Being nice gives you nothing. It doesn’t come with any perks, it doesn’t give you any rewards or advance in life. Naughty or nice – you still have the same cards in your hands. That is the truth. And it is awful. That is why there are not so many nice people out there – it is not so easy to be nice all the time. Helping others won’t mean that they will be there for you when you need them. Being honest doesn’t mean that people will be honest to you. So being nice doesn’t mean people will be nice to you. Life doesn’t work like that. So you really have to decide for yourself – which one you want to be.

So – which one do you want to be?

Risk it all!

Forget the stuff others tell you! If you want to do something – do it! If you want to love somebody  – love him/her! If you want to let go – let go!

…

It is easy for others to give you advice not knowing what you are going trough, not knowing what’s going on in you head. No one will ever understand – so you have to be bold in your actions, following your heart when it seems as if the whole world is against you. Yes, because only you know the details and only you will have to live with the consequences of your decisions.

…

I myself have been feeling guilty for so long – just because I couldn’t stop feeling the way I did when others told me to do so. The thing is – we can’t control how we feel about things or people, or about ourselves. We can only act upon it. So act upon your feelings!

Make whatever you feel and believe in your drive to go further, to reach higher and let no one ever make you feel bad about it. As hard as it might sound – tell no one. Not even your closest friends – your deepest feelings, what makes you truly happy is sacred. It is dear to you and no one will ever understand you better than you, so don’t put on others this weight they can’t possibly carry.

…

Breathe in, breathe out and just jump towards the life of million possibilities! As long as you believe in something and you are willing to work hard for it – anything is possible!

Praying

I’ve been praying a lot lately. I’ve been talking to God, screaming out to him, whispering, sending prayers in my mind, writing them down on paper, in church, at home, on my way somewhere… I’ve been missing some really important puzzle pieces of my life for quite some time now. I have been longing for some things in my life to change for such a long time that it was unbearable to stay quiet at some point. So I broke down and started praying.

Oh, I tried everything. Negotiating, asking, demanding – even trying to accept that I will never get it. But I didn’t find the peace in my heart. I still felt that heart breaking need for that one thing.  And I didn’t get it.

I was so miserable – I have been trusting for life to put everything it the right places when the time comes if I’m being true to myself, kind and just keep on moving forward… yet I did’t get what I wanted.

Am I a bad person? Maybe I am? — thoughts started crossing my mind, trying to find some reason to it.  Quotes on the internet kept flashing that we are given the amount of challenges we can handle. That the darker the dark phases, the brighter the light phases. And I have always been happy about the little things, because I almost never had the big joys in my life that other people for some reason had.

I started feeling selfish – how can I feel so depressed for such a nonsense when so many people in the world are suffering? Was it right thing to do? Maybe not, but I can’t control my feelings… or at least I don’t know how to do it. So I was unhappy and kept praying and not understanding why I can’t get what I want.

I had small breakdown yesterday. I didn’t know what to do anymore – so many things I want to do in my life and there is less and less  time for them. And I don’t know how to make them happen. I don’t even know if I should continue the path I’ve chosen. What if I’m wrong? What if this is not the road to my happiness?

And today something happened. It hit me. I’ve been so ungrateful! I was being late for a meeting and then I recalled how many times in my life I have been in a situation when I was fearing a failure, when I was late or couldn’t finish something on time and would hope it would end just fine. If this luck, this blessing that was guiding me trough the life – oh wow – my life wouldn’t be even half as good as it is now. And then  I felt better.

My wish didn’t get granted. I didn’t receive what I’ve been praying for – well not exactly, and maybe just not yet.. but at least I got my peace now. I am not that hurt or scared anymore. I’m happier than I was in a long time – and I had so many reasons to feel happy these past months, but I lost my ability to feel happy. And now it seems I can breath again. I still want what I want. I still don’t know how or when I will get it, but at least now I’m not wondering why I haven’t got it, because I realize how much I have received and it just feels too selfish and ungrateful to demand for more.

I hope this feeling will last.

I guess I am trying to be more focused on the little things – on the things I want to and can achieve now… 🙂

The pursuit of happiness

The day when it all seemed to be too much, too hard to bear too hard to contain – the day when it seemed as if it is impossible to breath. That day her eyes got tired of tears. Her heart got tired of sorrow. That day when she stopped asking „why this is happening to me?” and started thinking of the ways „what can I do to be happy again?” she found peace, she found happiness. Nothing special happened that day, no one came to help, no one gave her advices  – yet she was happy. Happy, because she had found a hope.  A hope for a better day. It wasn’t a castle in the clouds, those were solid, simple steps she could take straight away. The goal is still so far, but now she knows how to get there.  She is no longer afraid to stumble and fall – she already had hit the rock bottom once and she knows now that she can for a fact get out of it.

 

/me, 2013/

Loving the winter

I’ve always loved winter – everything seems frozen, even time. Everything looks beautiful. All the messy things are now covered with white fluffy snow flakes and it helps me to forget all the bad and painful. In winter it just feels like anything is possible.