“Chris: I don’t know why it is, but every time I reach out for something I want, I have to pull back because other people will suffer.”
Arthur Miller, All My Sons

Selflessness has become extinct. That’s what I was told by a friend of mine. She said that thinking about others is not common and that I should stop doing so and even more — expecting that from others.

At some point I do understand her. Unless you tell someone exactly what you want them to do, you can’t expect them to do it. Because they might not think the same way as you do. They might not know you that well and therefore — they can’t possibly know what’s best for you. That’s logical. It makes sense – doesn’t it?

Well – I don’t agree. If you are someones friend, you should at least know something that’s important to your friend (if you consider him a friend and if you care for him, of course). So where is the problem? Why don’t you do good things for your friends? Honestly? I think you just don’t care that much about them.

I mean – I am just the same kind of person as you are. I am selfish, full of flaws and concentrated very much on making my life work out just the way I would like. So then how come I can time by time (really rarely, but still) think about my friend needs? How come I think about what they might like, how come I sometimes put my life on hold for them, how come I sometimes think about what could make them happy and really take time and effort to console them when they feel down? I do all of those things because it is the right thing to do — because they are my friends. Why can’t they do the same? I have only one person that truly can say that regarding me. And she has been my friend for more than 10 years.  Sadly – I cannot tell that about the others. They’re great, but not completely – I don’t think they know me… I don’t think that they understand me… and I know I have no one to blame but me. Because I am the one who kept them away from the true me, the real me…

I’m trying to change, but this acknowledgement that I learned from this friend recently shocked me. It made me start to wonder about many things — and I don’t like the conclusions a have come up with.

How are you supposed to feel when a friend tells you to suck it up, because no one is ever gonna bother to think about you unless you demand it?

I can’t change who I am. I can’t stop thinking about the others. But do you keep the others around when you realize the simple truth about them? I don’t know. Because I still haven’t decided if the problem is me or them. Maybe I’m just a relic from the past trying to fit in today? Maybe I don’t belong in here anymore?


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