“There are no shortcuts to any place worth going”

-Beverly Sills

I don’t belong here. But where exactly do I fit in? Nowhere, I guess.

The world isn’t the problem – the problem is me. I don’t want to fit in here, I don’t want to accept the life I live right now. I want something more, but for now I can only have dreams, fantasies and plans about the future. The rest will be decided by life.

Isn’t that wrong? To live in/ or live for the future that may never come? Why can’t I just enjoy today?

It’s not that I am not happy, or that I am unhappy — I’m undecided. And that what scares me — what if I will be undecided forever? I want happiness — just like everybody else. At the same time I am really lazy person – I need strong motivation for me to do something now and not later(later usually never comes). And possible future happiness that is in fact really uncertain doesn’t work as motivator for me.

I don’t want to work hard and get nothing. But I do want to try….I just have to figure out where to begin…

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